SURVIVING THE VIRUS
by delenn2210
Summary: POST "WHOSE WOODS THESE ARE" Adam deals with Shalimar illness and his feelings
1. Default Chapter

SURVIVING THE VIRUS 

SPOILER: WHOSE WOODS THESE ARE

RATED: PG13 FOR NOW

This is a possible continuation of the episode "Whose Woods These Are"… Adam struggles to find a cure for Shalimar and his feelings as well.   

DISCLAIMER:

Although I wished I owned these characters, alas, they are not mine and they are purely used for my pleasure of writing for them but in no way are they owned by this lowly writer. THESE CHARACTERS ARE OWNED BY TRIBUTE ENTERTAINMENT, ETC… 

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**CHAPTER 1**

Adam wiped his weary face and reached for his cup.  As he raised it to his lips, he found it was empty.  Again.  He shook the carafe Emma had brought him before going to bed; it was empty as well.  If he was going to stay awake any longer, he needed more caffeine.  That meant, he needed to go make more tea.  His shoulders slumped from the fatigue he suddenly felt.  He was unsure as to when he last slept, or when he was going to sleep again.  He had to really think hard about standing up before he could do so.  

He paused and glanced at the lone, slim figure on the infirmary bed in the next lab.  The monitors beeped softly in the background and none of the readouts had changed since the last time he checked.  She looked so serene lying there.  He began to nod off, and had to shake himself out of his stupor.  One foot slowly in front of the other was the best he could do as he went in search of more caffeine.  

'Shalimar was going to be all right, thank God!'  That thought alone had sustained him thus far.  Once again, he had been damn lucky.  He was just so grateful lady luck hadn't chosen to be fickle and desert him in his greatest hour of need.  He had been down to just a few combinations of substances that might work against this virus and even fewer minutes to spare.  

He started the tea to brew as the events of the past week came flooding back into his mind.  He had been too late to save Nate...  Nathaniel Block.  One more life he had not been able to save.  One more death to add to the guilt he had been living with every day.  Every day since he found out how his trusted colleagues had perverted his research.  He slammed his hand on the countertop in frustration. 'How many more had to die before he could stop this madness?' He silently cried out in the dark.  No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't stop the deaths.  

Shalimar had become infected while on a mission in the mountains. She had escaped into the woods but Brennan had been able to keep on her trail.  He had hit on what he had thought was the right combination of elements just before leaving Sanctuary to rendezvous with Brennan.  He hated to think what would have happened to Shalimar if they had been just a few minutes later finding her.  He had been able to stabilize her with an antiviral, pulling her back from the brink of death.  He hadn't told the others how extremely close her immune system had been to rejecting the antiviral medications. But he had sensed that they knew… especially Emma.  It was hard to hide anything from an empath.  

After the first few hours of administrating the antiviral medications, Shalimar's vital signs had stabilized. Yet three days later, she was still unconscious.  He had reviewed and re-reviewed all of the data, repeated all the scans and blood work, but could not find the reason for why she remained unconscious.  He didn't want to give her any type of stimulants.  Her system had been through such a massive ordeal as it was.  He didn't want to push it any farther than he had to.  All they could do was watch, wait, and see.

Tears pricked at his eyes.  'He had almost lost her!'  This thought tortured him the most.    He had to take several ragged breaths, and pinched the bridge of his nose while trying to get his emotions under control.  He was always concerned if he would be able to continue to stabilize each of their DNA's as it continues to mutate, but this was the first time he had been truly afraid.  AND, as his small cynical conscious reminded him, Shalimar has no idea about how he really feels about HER.  Over the years, the only feelings he sensed from her were fatherly in nature.  Nothing more; nothing less.  

He, on the other hand, had loved her the first time he has saw her when she pretended to be a lab assistant to Dr. Breedlove.  It was 15 years later, that he met the girl- Shalimar.  Until recently, he hadn't known how he met her as a grownup before he met her as a child.  

Over the years, he had watched her as she grew into the alluring, blonde beauty she had been when they first met.  At first, he kept his feeling hid because she was too young, and each year after that he came up with one rationalization after another to use as an excuse to not tell her how he felt.  Then there was Brennan.  Since joining Mutant X, there had been a palpable, sexual tension in air between them that everyone, but them, had noticed.  

It took a few minutes for the tea to brew and he sank wearily into the nearest chair to wait.  

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Adam… Adam… Adam," he heard someone calling his name.  He recognized the voice, but it took a few minutes for it to register that it was Emma calling him.  

"Huh… what's wrong… Emma?" he said bewilderedly as he slowly opened his eyes to stare into Emma's concerned ones.

"Nothing is wrong, Adam.  I went to check on Shal, and found it odd that you weren't in the lab.  When I found your room empty, I came looking for you."  She points to the mug still in his hand, and says, "Making more tea?"

Dully, he nodded.  He looked at the clock and saw he had been asleep for over two hours.  That realization shocked his sleep fogged mind to alert.  He started to stand, but Emma pushed him back into the chair.  "I checked on her and she is still out.  All the monitor readings were normal.  You can wait here until I make a fresh pot for you."  She wrinkled her nose as she took a whiff of the now over brewed pot he had started. 

He sighed in relief.  "I can't believe I done that?"

Emma poured fresh water in the tea maker and set it to brew.  She came to set next to him at the table.  "I can't believe you hadn't crashed before now.  How long has it been since you had any real sleep?"  She raised her left eyebrow as she stared at him.

"It hasn't been that long ago?" he mumbles as he glances at the clock, "About ten minutes ago," he says with a small laugh.  He had hoped to put her off.

"Adam!" she says, her voice was filled with indignation.  "Adam, remember me… Emma…  telempath that you're talking to."  

'Guess not!'He knew he shouldn't have said that, but he didn't wanted to be lectured about it.  

"… I know it has been at least two days… maybe, three," she continued.  "I had come to see if I could suggest you get some sleep, and now I am not suggesting, I am ordering you to bed for at least four hours."  She held up her hand to stay off the protested she felt flowing within him, "You aren't going to be any good to her if you are dead on you feet," she waited until he looked at her, "… and you are there now."  

He was indigent.  'Who does she think she is to "order" me to bed?' He thought, before he said to her, "I have too much work to do."  He started to think about what he had to get done.  "I have to make sure the virus doesn't rebound."  He was uncertain if her system could take another assault.    

She reached out and took his hand into hers. She wasn't going to let him put her off.   "**I promise** I will come get you if any thing changes."  She stared intently into his eyes.  "I promise!" she repeated.  

His shoulders sagged in resignation.  His head knew she was right, but his heart was having a hard time accepting the facts.  Tears flooded his eyes, and he had to struggle to keep them from falling.  

Emma squeezed his hand in reassurance.  She had sensed for a long time how Adam really felt about Shalimar, but out of respect, she had never talked to him about it.  She felt if he wanted to talk about it, he would have to bring it up to her first.

Adam cleared his throat and stood taking his mug over to the counter and filling it.  He took a sip to check the temperature, and then took a long sip as he tried to get his emotions under control.  He knew Emma had to have psonically felt his emotions.  She had to have.  He turned and found her face was devoid of any emotion except concern for him.  He reached into the nearby cabinet, and retrieved another mug, "Two sugars, right?"

"Yeah, thanks," she said.  She could sense that once again he was going to hide his feelings behind that callous, impenetrable wall that he used when someone or something gets too close.  She would just love to know how that wall got built, and how she might help him tear it down for good.  **But, **tonight was not that time.

He carried the mugs back to the table, and they set there in silence sipping their tea. 

When he broke the silence, she almost jumped, "Emma, … We were almost too late."  Anguished filled his voice.  He stared off in the distance.  He drew a ragged breath before continuing, "Just a few more minutes, and…"

Emma reached out and took his cold, slightly trembling hands.  She projected love, understanding, and support towards him.  "The important thing **was** **you weren't**, and you won't ever be for any of us."

He continued as if he didn't hear her, "… It was the only antiviral combination I hadn't tried.  **The only one**." He was racked by a sob, "I came so close to losing her…" 

He whispered so low, that at first Emma wasn't sure if he said it, or just thought it.  She reached out, and pulled him into her arms.  For the next few minutes, the only sound in the room was his sobbing.  When he tried to pull away, her embraced tightened and he stopped resisting.  He rested into her embrace.  Telepathically, she sent feelings of safety, reassurance, and most importantly love.  

She had never seen him like this.  She didn't think that any of them had seen him in this light.  He had finally showed true emotion.  She now knew that if anything ever happened to Shalimar, that Adam would be shattered into millions of pieces.  She was very afraid that he would never be able to pick up the pieces of his soul, let alone go on with life.  It was a very sobering realization.  

When his sobs eased, Emma handed him a tissue.  He smiled his gratitude as he wiped his face and blew his nose.  Sheepishly, he grinned a little, but it didn't make it to his eyes.

He stared at his hands, as he took a deep breath, before speaking, "I'm so sorry…"

"You have nothing to be sorry about," she interrupted.  She reached out and lovingly cupped his face.  Gently, she raised his face up until their eyes met.  Tenderly, she said, "I am honored that you felt safe enough to lean on me.  Even if it was just for a little while." 

Adam was so grateful she had been there.  He hadn't realized the amount of fear, self-loathing, and some feelings he couldn't put a name to, which had built up in him, and needing to be vented.  It had taken an empath to make a crack in the wall he built to surround his heart. But, he hated to burden Emma with his feelings, since she would have to feel them as deeply as he did.

He searched her face and saw no fear, nor recrimination.  All he saw was… love, and support.  "Thank you, Emma… I really appreciate...I didn't hurt…" Her finger to his lips silenced him as she sensed where he was going with this.

"Adam, I am just fine," she said tenderly.  

He realized this would forever change their relationship.  And, surprisingly, he realized he was okay with that.  He reach out and pulled her close for a hug, and a place a kiss on her head before releasing her.  He smiles at her," Thanks, Emma."

She noticed he didn't look as soul-weary as he did when she woke him.  This time, the twinkle was back in his eyes when he smiled at her.  "You're welcome, Adam," she smiled at him.  "Now, it's time for you to go get a few hours rest.  I will call you at the first sign of change, or if she wakes up." 

Once again, she had the look of determination.  Begrudgingly, he agreed.  He did need some sleep so he could sort out his feelings clearly.  He shrugged before he stood, "Okay, I think I will." He said. He stopped to drop a kiss on her head.

"Goodnight, Adam," she said.

Well, this is the end of this chapter…. What do you think???? Like most of writers out there, the best way to help my muse is to comments… Both good and bad as long as they are creative. 


	2. CHAPTER 2

SURVIVING THE VIRUS 

SPOILER: WHOSE WOODS THESE ARE

RATED: PG13 FOR NOW

This is a possible continuation of the episode "Whose Woods These Are"… Adam struggles to find a cure for Shalimar and his feelings as well.   

DISCLAIMER:

Although I wished I owned these characters, alas, they are not mine and they are purely used for my pleasure of writing for them but in no way are they owned by this lowly writer. THESE CHARACTERS ARE OWNED BY TRIBUTE ENTERTAINMENT, ETC… 

AUTHOR NOTE: 

My muse of late is towards Adam and Shalimar… Hope you enjoy… Reviews are greatly appreciated… Lets me know if I am making the characters believable, and if I should continue.  

CHAPTER 2 

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****

"Adam… Adam… Adam" Emma said as she gently shook him awake.

"Huh, Emma?"  Suddenly, he bolted up in bed. "Is ever…"  

"Adam, it's okay.  She is okay," Emma said reassuringly.  "It's eleven o'clock, and her readings are just fine.  In fact, a little better than when you last saw them."

Adam sighed in relief.  "Thank, God.  What time did you say it was?" He glanced at the clock resting on the nightstand.  He saw it was eleven o'clock.  His gaze turned to her.

"I let you sleep," she rushed on to prevent him from speaking, "You needed it."  She showed no remorse.  "Here is a cup of tea," she says as she reached it to him.  "Earl Grey.  Two sugars and a little cream."

"Thanks," he said gratefully as he took a sip.  "How are the others?"

"Well, I talked with Jesse about four a.m., and Brennan about five a.m.  Brennan insisted we all should not stay awake.  We drew straws and he drew the short straw.  Jesse and I woke up just about thirty minutes ago."  She replied.  She curled up in his comfy chair, and tucked her feet underneath.  She set sipping from her cup as well.  

He started to get up and then realized he was nude.  He blushed and she grinned.  "Well, I guess I should going to go do… something," she laughed mischievously, and he blushed more.  

"I would appreciate it," he encouraged her.  

She arched one eyebrow, "Sure… no problem…" but remained seated.  

He could tell she was enjoying this, "You little tease!" He threw a pillow at her, and she ducked easily out of the way.  She raced out of the room laughing as she went.

He shook he's head as he joined her in a laugh. 

A shower and a shave later, and Adam felt more human.  While the warm water revived him, he had come to a decision.  Right or wrong, he was going to tell Shalimar how he felt and more importantly find out how she felt.  He needed to know.  It was long passed time to see if there was a possibility for them- him and her.  He absently whistled as he left the room; ready to face the new day.  

'Today, I tell all,' he thought quietly to himself.

Many hours passed as he sat at her bedside holding her hand.  He had tried to work, but found himself too distracted.  The only solace he could find was being near her.  He gently held her hand.  It looked so fragile.  She looked so fragile, but not as pale as she had been yesterday.  For the umpteenth time, he scanned the monitors' information and found nothing amiss.  Even thing had returned to normal some time while he slept.  At least normal for her. 

She tossed her head, and a tress fell across her face.  She looked so peaceful.  And he loved her.  He reached up, brushed the errant lock out of her face, and tucked it behind her ear.  Just like he had watched her do so many times.  He tenderly kissed her hand, and stroked his face against her hand.  It felt so cool to touch.  

"Come on, Shalimar.  Please, wake up.  Wake up so I can finally tell you how much I love you," he whispered. 

Before going to the lab this morning, he has stopped in his office.  From the safe, he took his mother's engagement ring.  It was an emerald ring encrusted with diamonds.  It wasn't too big, but it was very precious to him.  Lovingly, he gazed at the ring before returning it to its case.  He had tucked the case it in a pocket.

He checked once again to be sure he still had it.  He had kept it to bolster his courage as he waited for sleeping beauty to awake.  "My beautiful, beautiful, Shalimar.  How I have loved you.  Since that first day we met in the parking lot outside of Genomex."  He chuckled as he remembered that day as if it was yesterday.    "I was such a geek, and you were an angelic vision."  He felt like he was rambling to feel the silence.  But on the other hand, he wanted her to hear a friendly voice… a loving voice… a voice that could guide her back to this world and him.

Adam grinned as he thought about that first meeting.  "You blushed when I flirted with you.  I loved you all the more for that.  You took my breath away that day, and you still do.  I had nearly given up hope of ever finding you again, and then, there you were- a much younger version, **but you** nonetheless."  

As he continued to speak, her heart rate increased slightly and her head moved towards him.  He was so lost in his thoughts, that he didn't notice the changes.  "…You don't know how jealous I was when you started dating.  I wanted to take them all on, and prove to you that they were no good for you.  But, I knew I needed to give you space, and time to grow into the woman you were to become.  So, I had to take a lot of long, cold showers."  He chuckles to himself.  "I knew I had to be patient and wait.  Wait until you saw me in the same light as I saw you.   Something more than a father figure.  But, some days it was just so hard to keep my feelings to myself.  Then, I was afraid to tell you for fear you wouldn't feel the same way.  I didn't want to risk the close friendship we had developed."

"I love you, too, Adam," Shalimar whispered as she reached up to stroke his face.  

His head snapped up and he looked at her.  Really looked at her.  She was awake.  It took a second for that realization hit him.  Delicately, he asked, "How much of that did you… hear?"

"All of it, my love," she said.  She squeezed his hand reassuredily.  "I have loved you for so long, but I could never tell if you felt the same way or not."  A single tear slid down her cheek.  "I, too, didn't want to lose the friendship and trust we had built."

He reached up and caught the tear on his index finger, "Shoo.  Don't cry, my little minx."  

More tears began to fall.  She could tell they were upsetting him.  "They're happy tears, my love, happy tears," she said.

Adam started to speak, but she silenced him by placing her fingers against his lips.

"It wasn't until we went back in time, that I found out you had seen me before," she continued, "and you flirted with me."  She laughs, "I didn't know what to say, or do.  So, I hurried away to find Gabriel."

"I **tried** to flirt with you, but failed miserably," he recalled laughingly.  "After that day, I searched and searched, but it was as if you had disappeared into thin air."

"What matters most is, now, we have finally found each other," she said.  She tugged her hand out of his, and reached over to pull his face closer.  Softly, she kissed him.   When their lips met, it was bliss for each of them.  When she moved to deepen the kiss, he pulled away.  She groaned at the lost of his touch.  She opened her eyes and looked at him disappointedly.

"Shalimar, we can't do this," a look of confusion crossed her face.  He hurried on to explain, "You just awoke from a three day coma; still recovering from that blasted feral retrovirus, and your injuries.   The last thing I want to do is to be the one to cause you to have a setback."

"Adam!"  Angrily, she pushed up off the bed, and sharp, burning pain ripped into her abdomen.  She fell back against the bed as she held her abdomen, and groaned in pain.  All color faded from her face.  "Maybe, you're right!" she said through gritted teeth.

When she paled, Adam ashen.  He stepped out of her line of vision for just a moment.  When he came back into view, he had a hypo spray.  Before she could protest, he rested it against her neck and injected.  She looked at him with a look of questioning and hurt.

He answered her unspoken question.  "It's a painkiller and a muscle relaxant  … give it a few minutes to kick in."  He took her hand once again.  "Squeeze my hand, my little minx," he whispered near her ear, and kissed her forehead.  He brushed her tresses out of her face, and mumbled words of comfort until the pain decreased.  It broke his heart to see her in pain; especially, since her love for him had caused it. 

She turned drug-glazed eyes at him, "Promise me that you will tell me this is not a dream and that you..."

"I love you, now, and always, minx," he said with as much love as he had within him.

"Kiss me before I go to sleep," she demanded with a pout.  

It was a demand that he didn't mind following, not in the least.  "Your wish; my command."  His lips lightly brushed against hers.  Slowly, he flicked his tongue against her lips.  When they parted, he broke away.  She moaned at the loss.

"Sleep now.  I will be here when you wake."  He promised. 

She pouted for a moment.  "Alright… alright.  But after I wake, you promise to get some sleep, too," she asked.

"I promise," he agreed.  He would have promised her anything if she would just sleep.

For long moments, they stared into each other's eyes.  He found himself drowning in the depth of love reflected in her brown eyes.  He found he needed to taste her lips once more just to be sure this wasn't a dream.

She smiled knowingly as his head lowered towards her.  'He must have read my mind,' she thought.  'Just one more kiss before I sleep.'

Slowly, he moved his lips towards hers.  Her lips felt like warm velvet beneath his.  The kiss was soft, and gentle but fleeting.  When he lifted his lips from hers, he watched her give in to the medications, and her heavy eyelids fell shut.  A sly smile remained.

Emma stood at the entrance of the lab, and smiled through her tears.  She was so happy for them.  She hadn't meant to overhear them.  She had innocently gone to the lab to check on the both of them.   

She had sensed the hefty emotions emanating from the both of them, before she heard them.  She silently waved her fists in the air.  She was ecstatic that two members of her family had finally been honest with each other.  She had begun to think she was going to have to break her oath of noninterference if they didn't overcome their own self-doubts, and profess their love to each other soon.  Their kisses just completed the moment.

She took a few steps back, wiped her face, took a few deep breaths to shake of the emotions she felt from them, and then went into the lab noisily. 

"Emma!  Shush!  I just got her back to sleep!" Adam whispered loudly. She could see the protectiveness in his glance and posture.

"Sorry," she faked her remorse as best as she could.  But, it was a battle she was quickly lost as her smile expressed how she felt at the news that Shalimar had been awake.  "I felt she was in pain, and just wanted to come check on her… to see if I could be of any assistance."

"Oh, I see," Adam posture relaxed as he rested back in the chair.  "I gave her a hypo, and she went back to sleep."

"Is there anything I can do for you?" She asked trying to change the subject.  She hoped he didn't figure out that she had saw and heard.

"Another cup of tea would be nice?"  He held the empty mug up.

"Sure, I can do that," she accepted the mug.  "I'll tell the boys the good news as well."

"Thanks.  Be sure you tell them she is asleep and I will call them when she wakes again."  He was protective again.  She found it so touching.

"No problems," she said, and left to go in search of the guys.


	3. CHAPTER 3

DISCLAIMER: SEE CHAPTER 1 Chapter 3 

Slowly, Shalimar awoke. Disoriented.  She opened her eyes and looked around.  She sighed in relief.  She was in the lab at Sanctuary.  Jumbled images flood her mind.  She was not sure of what had actually transpired over the last few days.  All she was sure of was that she felt very tired, and very sore… but nothing felt broken.

She could sense someone was there.  She turned her head and found her hand tangled in Adam's.  His was sleeping with his head resting near their hands.  She had a dream about him.  At least, she thought she had a dream about him.  In the dream, she had been hurt as she was now- it seemed-, and had just awaken.  She had heard someone professing their of love for her, and as he continued to speak, she recognized the owner of that voice.  Adam.  Sadness flooded her as she realized it must have been a dream.  Of late, she had realized what her heart's desire really was- for Adam to love her as much as she loved him.    

Slowly, she rose to a sitting position.  Her abs protested every move.  But, she had made her mind up to kiss him.  AND, when Shalimar Fox made up her mind up to do something, she would endure what she had to in order to accomplish that goal.  It took several tries, but finally she was able to bend over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.  She fell back into the bed, with a thump.  She had to bit her lip, and squeeze her eyes shut as she tried to keep from crying out aloud.  She panted as trying to catch her breath, and broke out in a sweat from her exertion.  For a few minutes, she feared she was going to pass out.    

When the pain, and her breathing returned to a more tolerable level, she opened her eyes once again. She found two brown ones looking intently back at her. 

Adam had awakened slightly at the touch of her lips but then fully from the sounds of her stifled moans.  When she opened her eyes, he saw guardedness.  'Had she forgot the feelings they had given a voice to just a few hours ago?'  'Had she only profess her love, because she was under the influence of medications?  What did he do now?'

'Why is he looking at me that way?'  She detected confusion, but something more.  She saw the veil he used to conceal his true feelings slammed back into place before she figure what she had seen.  

"Do I want to know how the other one, or ones looks?"  She asked.  She grimaced when she shifted position. 

"Well… let's just say, you ended up on the losing end?" Adam picked up his nearby palm scanner, and reviewed her readings.  All were normal.  "What do you remember?"

Her forehead wrinkled as she tried to pull the jumbled pictures of her thoughts into some kind of order.  "You sent me and Brennan to the Great Smokies to investigate the deaths of four hikers over the last six weeks.  There had also been three sights of a mysterious creature.  From the sketchy details in the local news, and the police reports, you questioned if a New Mutant was the attacker.  We had been there about a day, when two more hikers were found dead.  They had a video camera.  We reviewed the tape and I was convinced it was a feral mutant.  For the briefest of seconds, it looked like his eyes glowed.  You sent us in as animal rights activists so we could investigate the latest site, and see what we could find."  

"As we were leaving the compound, a man struck up a conversation with us.  He said his name was Grady Colt, a cryptozoologist, whatever that is.  He said he wanted to get a look at the creature that was causing the deaths before one of the hunters shot it.  He was friendly enough, but something about him just didn't feel right.  We separated at the trailhead. I was glad to leave him behind."

"After that, it is all fuzzy.  I see these images, but none of them make no sense."  She looked at him expectantly.  

He took her hand into his.  "It was a New Mutant.  A feral.  Jesse and Emma started researching the police reports on the previous attacks, and found one of the files had been deleted from the outside.  The file referred to a survivor.  At time we didn't know of any survivors.  Jesse tracked him to VA hospital in Chelton, where he was being 'treated'.  It turns out that Genomex 'sold several ferals' to a secret offshoot of NASA for a study named PROJECT 318.  It seems they were trying to enhance his feral DNA."  He pauses a moment to swallow the bile that was rising up in his throat.  It sickened him to think someone who calls themselves a 'doctor **and** scientist' had perverted his work this way.  He couldn't look her in the eyes any more. 

 He stared at the far wall as he continued.  "These 'researchers' were attempting to use genetic modification to stimulate certain segments of his feral DNA to become more dominant.  Their theory was these changes to the host's DNA would make it easier for him to adapt, or at the very least, withstand any type of alien environment.  The 'perfect' astronaut.   But, in reality what happened was so much more.  The modifications created some kind of virus.  The virus was much worse than they could have ever imagined.  Once introduced, the virus drastically mutated itself, and began to attack the nerve pathways to the cerebrum.  This new virus strain was very contagious," he paused, and took a deep breath before continuing, "**but only contagious to ferals**."

Suddenly, everything fell into place, and the images now made sense.  It all came rushing back in an overwhelming wave.  In anguish, she whispered one word, "Mich-ael."

He had watched the myriad of emotions that spread across her face.  It broke his heart.  If only he could protect her from this. He reached out to comfort her, but she waved away the comfort he offered.  

Her bottom lip began to tremble.  Brokenly, she said, "I… killed… Michael."  A racking sob exploded from deep within her soul; tears poured down her cheeks streaming unchecked onto her chest.  She wrapped her arms around herself, and began to rock back and forth.  "**I murdered him, Adam!**"  

Her cries broke his heart.  He sat down as easily as possible on the edge of the bed.  Adam reached for Shalimar, and gathered her tenderly into his arms.  He was not going to take 'no' for an answer.  At first, she stiffened within his grasp, and even tried to pull away.  The movement increased her pain and it forced her to stop struggling.  "**You did not kill Michael**!" he growled.  

She shook her head, "Yes, Adam, I did… I remembered it all… He didn't know what he was asking me to do… I murdered him."

Resolutely, he said, "Listen to me."  He paused and waited for her to look at him.  When she didn't, he used enough pressure on her chin to force her to look at him.  He repeated, "**You did not kill Michael**.  You saved my life, and helped to ease Michael's pain.  He could tell he was losing the last dregs of his humanity, and he didn't want to become the wild, uncontrollable beast the virus was forcing him to become.  He asked you to shoot him, because he knew you have always understood the war that goes on between the feral instincts and human instincts."  

Her feelings were in such turmoil as she relived the last things she remembered from that day.  Her senses were overwhelmed of images of Michael's grasp around Adam's throat.  She knew Michael was going to kill Adam.  Rage filled her like no other time in her life.  Someone was hurting the love of her life; no one got away with that.  She heard a distant voice beg Michael not to do it, she now realized it was her that was begging him to stop.  She knew she couldn't let him kill Adam.  She didn't even remember picking up the gun.  Michael turned back to Adam, and she sensed he was going to hit him with a final blow.  She fired.

She looked at Adam intently.  She saw no recrimination only caring and concern for her.  "You saved my life… again."

She buried her face into his shoulder, and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist.  His arms gently encompassed her to form a safe haven.  He had always been there for her; supported her when she was weak.  

As he whispered words of comfort, he stroked her back with one hand, and smoothed her tousled golden hair with the other. The sobs were consuming her, and shattering his heart.  He knew he had to reach her somehow; make her realize she had not murdered anyone.  Only then, would grief, and mourning begin it healing touches to her shattered soul.  The other-his profession of love- would have to wait until later.  Quietly, he said,  "Shal, you have to listen to me.  If you are guilty of murder then I must be, too." 

His words did reach her muffled mind.  She prevented his death. He was not the one who pulled the trigger.  She did.   He's lying.  He was the victim.  Michael was the victim of her rage.

He continued to try to reach her, "…Emma and Jesse found another infected feral at the Veteran's Administration Hospital in Chelton- a Nathaniel Block.  He was a friend of Michael's.  Nate had been out looking for Michael, and found him.  The only reason he survived the attack was because he was a feral.  In the fight, Michael unintentionally passed the virus to Nate.  Project 318 superiors sent men to retrieve him from the local hospital before he began to change.  By the time Emma and Jesse rescued him from the VA Hospital, and brought him back to Sanctuary, the virus had progressed to its final stages, and there was nothing I could do.  **Nothing**.  Even with painkillers and Emma's mental touch, he went screaming mad before he died."  He sighed, "I couldn't save him."  His voice was filled with regret.

"Michael knew the virus had ravaged his body beyond repair.  He was seeking peace and he gave you absolution when he asked to be shot.  He knew exactly what he was asking you to do."  He noticed she sobbing was now hiccups and snuffling.  She moved away from him.  She needed to be able to think clearly and she couldn't do it in his arms. "Michael and Nathaniel will not be forgotten as long as you live your life free from guilt.  The best way to honor their lives is to live your life to its fullest."  Fresh tears slid down her cheeks, but he could see indecision in her eyes.  

She tried to mull over what Adam has said.  She replayed the events in her mind. She did realize all that she was remembering was tinted from the ravaging feral emotions she had been feeling at the time, and culminated with the fear of losing Adam.  They had been in situations before that his life had been threatened, but this was the first time she really thought he was going to die.   

"I was in such a rage from the feral changes and emotions that were going on inside of me."  She whispered so softly that he had to strain to hear her.  "It's hard to understand it all at this point, but the one image that keeps playing in my mind is my pulling of the trigger and Michael collapsing."

 "Shalimar, I was there and so was the rest of the team.  In the end, you did the most merciful thing that could be done for him.  The only thing…" When she looked at him questioningly, "If you don't believe me, ask the others, they will tell you the same thing."

"Adam, I don't know what to think?" she voiced her doubts out loud.

"Then trust me," he simply stated.

She shook her head as fresh tears flowed.  She was so confused.  

He opened his arms and waited.  He so wanted to comfort her and remove the self-doubt he saw.  

"I felt so sorry for him.  I found his den.  The only human possession he had was a picture of his family," her voice broke.  "He had a family who loved him.  You could see it in their faces.  They will never be able to see them again."

"If they knew all of the facts, they would thank you for ending his suffering," Adam said.  

"At least, he had a family that loved him," she said.

"And you have a family that loves you, too," he said, "… if you will let them."

Finally, she let him comfort her.  She slid into his embrace, and held onto him tightly as she began to feel grief for the senseless of the loss.  'Maybe, Adam is right.   I just don't know,' she thought bleakly.  "I'm too tired to fight about this anymore, Adam.  Maybe your right."

 Her head tucked neatly under his chin.  This felt just so right.  He had no idea how long they stayed this way.  Her breathing were slow, and rhythmic.  He wondered if she was asleep, but when he looked down, he could see that her eyes were open.  He shifted positions so he was leaning against the bed and she was leaning on him.  Neither spoke.  They didn't want to break the peace.

So what do you think???? All critiques are taken!!!!!


	4. CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 4 

She awoke and found herself still in his embrace.  He was asleep with his arms draped around her waist.  She was still in the lab.  Thoughts of Michael and his death came rushing back, and threatened to start tears again.  Mentally shaking herself, she decided she needed something else… more calming to think about. At least, for a little while.  Her thoughts turned to what she had just been dreaming about.  It was the only calm thought she could think of.   The dream was one of her favorite, and one she had been having a lot lately.  In her dream, she had been hurt and Adam was at her bedside begging her to fight; to live so he could tell her how much he loved her.

It seemed like she had always loved Adam.  Ever since the first time he stepped into that hotel doorway, told her the truth about what was happening to her, and invited her to come with him, she had been captivated.  He accepted her mutations, her emotional storms, and her… feral upheavals.  No matter what she said or did, he was there to listen, comfort, and provide guidance, if necessary.  It was such a comfort to her spirit to feel his chest rise, and fall against her cheek, and to hear his heart beating under her ear.

She wasn't sure when her love had gone beyond platonic.  It had come to a crossroad when they had followed Ashlocke back to 1978.  There she had met the young, naïve, 'save the world' Dr. Adam Kane.  He had flirted with her, and after she got over the shock of it, she had loved the fact that he found her attractive.  In that time, she was the 'older' woman.  'Wonder if he stills finds her attractive?' she questioned.  

It saddened her tremendously to think that she might have died without telling him how she really felt.  Worse yet, she wondered whether or not he loved her?  Now, she questioned if it was a dream, or… had she… they professed their love.  She decided she had to tell him, and she had to tell him, now.  

She tilted her head back until she could see his face.  This time she found him awake and watching her.  She watched the veil he used to cover his feelings fall firmly back in place, before he closed his eyes.  It broke her heart when he distanced himself from all of them, but especially when he distanced himself from her.  Quietly, she said, "Are you awake?"

He looked down at her and smile, "Yes, I'm awake, but why are you?" he teasingly scolded her.  "You need your rest."

"I couldn't get my brain to stay shutdown," she admitted.

"So what thoughts are running around in that pretty little head of yours?" he asked.  He could tell from the look on her face, she was just beginning to feel calmer.  Her eyes were clear.

"Well…" now that the moment had come, she lost all of her courage.  "I am awfully thirsty.  Could you reach me that glass?"  'So it wasn't the best save she ever did, but it was all best she could think of at the moment.'  

She took a large gulp and tried to moisten her suddenly parched throat.  She thought she saw disappoint flutter across his face.  It was so fleeting, she couldn't be sure if it had been there at all, or just her wishing it to be there.  It dawned on her that it would be just like him to not say anything for fear of destroying their friendship.  'But, dammit, I want more!'

 "I was thinking about a dream I had.  It was so real," she started as she gazed into his eyes trying to see what he was feeling.  She plunged on, "I dreamed that I had been hurt and was awaken by someone professing his love for me."  She watched his face, but it remained neutral.  'Dammit! He is not cracking,' she grumbled to herself.  "You wouldn't know anything about that would you?" she sweetly asked as she picked at imaginary lint from his shirt.  

He maintained his silence.  He knew if he spoke just one word, she would know his heart desire, and he didn't think emotionally she was ready to hear what he had to say.  

She decided to take the first step.  She reached up and slowly pulled his head towards her, and he didn't resist.  She brushed her lips against his.  Her eyes drifted closed as she drank deeply in his manly scent.  She had to taste him.  Parting her lips, she slid her tongue along his bottom lip.  He tasted so sweet.  She did notice he still had not made a move, nor had he responded to her kiss.  Maybe, she was wrong.  Uncertainty flooded her eyes as she dragged her lips away to get a look into his face.

Her kiss had stopped his brain from thinking.  That one kiss had fanned the flames of his desire, and bursts open the gates that had hidden his true feelings for her for so long.  It was then he noticed something was missing.  She wasn't kissing him anymore.  He moans the loss of her touch.  

He opened his eyes and he saw uncertainty, doubt, and pain looking back at him.  He realized he was the cause of that.  "My little minx, you always do like to jump without a net, don't you?"  He reached out and took her face into his hands.  "Shalimar, I love you!  I have loved you since I met you… at Breedlove's labs."  He saw her astonishment.  "I search for you for months after that chance encounter, but alas, I had to give up.  I had begun to convince myself that you were just a figment of my imagination.  I didn't even know you name… Your real name." He paused for her to understand.  "Needless to say the day I found you in that hotel room, I nearly passed out.  It was you, but a good deal younger version of you.  I had to wait." He pressed his lips to her forehead before continuing; "I wanted to let you decide in your own time if you want me, as much as I have wanted you."

She was so touched from his words.  'He loves me… HE REALLY LOVES ME!' echoed in her head.  Tears of joy welled in her eyes.  "My love… my foolish love, I have loved you since the first day I met you… in this timeline that is," she added with a sexy smile.

He reached for her and she willingly sank back against him.  Her lips felt like warm velvet beneath his.  'Shalimar is mine.'  It brought such peace to his world.  'Shalimar said she loves me.'  

At first his kiss was more like a butterfly caress to her lips, but she wanted more.  Playfully, she caught his bottom lip with her teeth and lightly nipped it.  

Adam seized the opening of her lips and plunged his tongue deep inside, and his tongue playfully bantered with hers. He drank in the taste that was Shalimar.  Just the touch of her against his chest had fueled the passion that coursed in his veins. Finally, the need for air forced them apart.  As he drew jagged breaths, Adam heard something that he didn't recognize, and then realized it was Shalimar.  She was… purring.  Opening his eyes, he found her staring at him.  Her eyes had darkened with her passion.  He rained small kisses along her jaw line, and then nibbled on her earlobe.  Her moan filled him with desire to give her more pleasure.   

She felt like she was on fire as passion coursed through her veins awaking every nerve ending she had.  She not only could feel every place his body touched her, but she could smell him, taste him, and hear his jagged intakes of breath.   Desire seated its self deep within her.  At first, it was just a tiny flame, but it rapidly grew to be as intense as a forest fire that was out of control.  Fleetingly, she wondered if it would consume her, but just as quickly realized she didn't care if it did.  She didn't ever want this feeling to go away.  No one had ever made her feel this way.  'Not even Richard,' she had to admit.  She heard someone moaning and realized it was she that was moaning.  She reached for his face, and pulled his mouth back to hers.  And kissed him thoroughly. 

He was just as overwhelmed as he had been with the first kiss.  His heart nearly burst with his joy.  Unconsciously, he shifted their positions until she was nearly under him.  He stopped when he felt her tense.  His eyes snapped open.  He saw the pain she was trying to cover up.  It then dawned on him… she was still hurt.  How could he be so stupid!  

Quickly, he sat up.  "Shalimar, I am so sorr..." he attempted to apologize to her, but she silence him with just a touch.

"Adam, I fine.  Really, I am… It just…sore!" she grumbled. "Dammit, I'm sorry!" she said.  "Can we try again?" she pleaded.

He wiped his face, before looking at her again.  "We have all the time in the world, Shalimar.  And I want you to be one hundred percent when I make love to you, minx.  I promise I will make it worth the wait." He helped her to try to find a comfortable position.  But, he could tell she was just not finding one.  He leaned over, and kissed her cheek, before getting out of the bed, and going to the hypo-spray cabinet.  Momentarily, he was back walking around the bed to face her.

"I'm not taking 'no' for an answer," he said.  "It is not as strong as before, but it should take the edge off."

She knew not to argue.  She moved her hair out of the way, and she felt the cool hiss against her neck.  

"Where is everyone else?" she asked.

Adam sat in the chair and took her hand before speaking.  "They have been in and out to see how you are doing and to see if you were awake yet."  He tapped his com-link on and said, "Hey guys, Shalimar is awake."  He smiled at her; then started counting, "One…two…three…" Before he could say four, the lab door burst open and they all came rushing in.  

Emma came close and gave her a hug, and a kiss, "You really had me worried.  Promise me that you won't put me through that kind of torture again.  I need my best friend." Tears filled Emma's eyes and voice as she spoke.  She had to bat her eyes several times before she got her emotions under control.  

"I promise, Em, I promise," Shalimar replied and reassuringly squeezed Emma's hand.  She so touched by her friend's concern and love.  

Emma smiled, and squeezed Shalimar's hand in return before stepping back. 

Jesse reached out and ruffled her hair, "How are you doing?" he asked. 

She could see dark circles under Jesse's eyes.  She was so sorry she had worried the very people she was sworn to protect.  "I'm sore in a lot of places, but otherwise, I will recover."

Brennan quietly stood at the foot of the bed.  He cleared his throat before speaking.  "Shal… I'm sorry… I let you down."  He stared at the floor as he spoke. 

Shalimar could tell he was blaming himself for what had happened.  Adam was right they all had too much guilt about the mission.  "Brennan, look at me." But, he shook his head.  Her look asked Adam to move, and he did.  "Brennan, please, come here."  She reached out her hand to him.   Slowly, he complied.  She took his hand and gently said, "Look at me!" and added, "Dammit!!" for good measure.

A smile tickled his lips, and he finally raised his gaze.  She saw such remorse in his eyes.  "Brennan, you are not at fault.  None of are.  The people to blame is Genomex for selling the ferals to Project 318, and the people who attempted to rewrite the ferals' DNA."  She could see a 'but' coming, and cut him off, "Adam found a cure, and I am going to be just fine."  She smiled at him and this time a small smiled flirted with his lips.  "Besides, if you feel really bad, you can go easy on me when I am able to work out.  Spot me a few bad guys, what do you say?"

"Yeah, right!" He chuckled and a genuine smile appeared.  "Not in this life time."  He now looked like the old Brennan.  That's whom she wanted to see.  'Now,' she thought 'they were going to be able to work through this.'  But, it would take all of them dealing with their feelings, but that's what a family's for- working together through the hard times, and rejoicing together in the successes.

She yawned.  She was tiring out, and that hypo Adam had given her really packed a punch after all.  Before she could stop it a second yawn escaped.

"Well, guys, let's let her get some more rest," Adam said as he motioned them to leave.  

"Party pooper," she growled at him.

"That's me, Dr. Party Pooper," Adam said with a grin.  

Brennan kissed her on the cheek, Jesse ruffled her hair, and Emma squeezed her hand.

"Emma, would you stay for a minute, please?" She called out. "Adam, could you give us a minute."  

He nodded, "Sure," he squeezed her shoulder reassuringly.   He looked at Emma, and instructed, "Not to long."

Emma stood at attention, and smartly saluted him, "Aye, Aye, Dr. Party Pooper!"

Shalimar chuckled and Adam blushed.  He kissed Shalimar's cheek before he left.  When the door swished closed, Shalimar said, "Em, I need a big favor."

"Sure, Shal, if I can," Emma replied.

"Do what ever it takes to make Adam get some sleep.  He looks like he is out on his feet," she implored.  "The caffeine is the only thing keeping him going at the moment."

"I'll **suggest **he go lay down and take a nap," Emma nodded in agreement.  "He will not want to leave you alone.  If it's okay with you, I'll take first watch."****

"I would like that," she said.  "Just make him sleep."

"How are you really doing?" Emma quietly inquired.

Shalimar hesitated before answering, "It is going to take some time to sort this all out in my head.  I killed one of our own kind who was a victim not an enemy.  I killed him because he needed to be put out of his misery.  Adam, however, has made me realize that Michael didn't leave me any choice.  It is just going to take time for my heart to catch up my head.  **But**, I will get there," she said determinedly.  

Emma lightly touched Shalimar's mind and found she wasn't covering up.  "If I can be of any help, please, let me know.  I'm a pretty good listener."

"And an even better friend," she smile at Emma, as her eyelids began to droop.  

"Got to sleep, Shal," Emma said as she stroked Shalimar's hair out of her face, and squeezed her hand reassuringly, "… stop fighting the medication…  As soon as you are asleep, I will go talk to Adam.  Now close those eyes," Emma ordered.  

"Yes… ma…" she fell asleep in the middle of what she was saying.

Emma chuckled to herself.  After being mentally touching Shalimar's mind- to be sure she was truly asleep- she went in search of Adam.

My usual beta tester is moving and so forgives the typos…. Please let me know what you think…. Am I way off base and should I go running for the hills and forget this gig?????????????

I am thinking about ending here…. What do you guys think????

Is this story done????


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